We’re not talking about addictions here, where both habit and brain physiology can take control of your life. Instead, we’re talking about vices, those breakout behaviors that are always in the eyes of the beholder, your personal list of no-nos and shouldn’ts—too much sugar, alcohol, or food, shopping therapy, porn bingeing, or sexual acting out. Behaviors that periodically flare up, that you know aren’t the best, and that, while they create a tinge of guilt, never generate enough guilt to overcome those hefty doses of rationalization.
We can think of vices as bad solutions to underlying problems. Here are some of the most common ones.
Stress
Worry, exhaustion, frustration, anger—some negative emotional state. Your vice gives you the dopamine hit you’ve learned counteracts stress. Rationalization adds its own fuel to the mix—you feel you deserve to do whatever you’re doing.
Life out of balance
For some, their vices are a byproduct of an unbalanced lifestyle. Here we meet those who believe in working hard, often pushing themselves to exhaustion, and then playing hard—the kicking back they, like the others, feel they deserve.
Putting the brakes on your behavior
But if you’re concerned about behaviors because of their side effects, whether financial, relational, or simply the regret afterward, or if you worry you’ve been relying on them too much, it may be time to put the brakes on. Here are some tips:
Know your triggers; take your emotional pulse. Does the refrigerator, liquor cabinet, or computer call to you the moment you walk through the door after a hard day at work? Good to know. If you’re tired, worried, or feeling the urge to kick back, you’re likely vulnerable to bad behaviors.
The key is checking in with yourself—taking your emotional pulse—before you hit that front door. Once triggers kick in, you run on autopilot.
Have substitute behaviors at the ready. Putting on the brakes doesn’t mean white-knuckling it; instead, it means substituting other behaviors that can reduce your stress. For some, it might be exercise to boost your endorphins; for others, it may be self-care such as a hot bath, talking to a friend, or listening to your favorite music; for still others, it may help to write down how you’re feeling or thinking just to get it out of your head.
Make a list of these options and keep it handy so you don’t have to reinvent the wheel or scramble every time these temptations flare up. Decide what you’re going to do before you hit the front door.
Consider seeking professional help
If these patterns are increasingly taking control of your daily life, you may need additional support. Even short-term therapy can help you develop skills to manage your stress or lifestyle more effectively. You may have underlying depression and/or anxiety that can benefit from medication and therapy.
The antidote is action: Is it time to hit the brakes?
To find a therapist, please visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.
