Our own lives naturally wither: physically, as our bodies gradually deteriorate, and often psychologically as well. Where once you were driven by the desire to raise kids or climb the corporate ladder, and where once you threw yourself into creative outlets—music, writing, art—you’re now driven by habit, routines, and the demands of simply keeping your life moving forward. Passion that once fueled your life has now withered, pushed to the back burner for good reasons. And if your life has changed—the kids are gone, you’ve settled on some corporate rung, you’re facing retirement and are unclear about your sense of purpose—the need to bring passion back into your life is all the stronger and more important. Passion can fuel change.
The challenge is to bring it back, to stop running on autopilot or accepting what you’ve got. The accumulation of such a life often reaches its tipping point in midlife, when you sense time is running out and your life is narrowing, prompting many to quit their careers or get divorced to bring energy and passion back into their lives.
But you don’t need to wait for a crisis to reignite your life. Here are three steps to help you rediscover and re-energize yourself:
#1: Step back:
Start here. Take stock. As you survey the vast landscape of your life, ask what’s missing. If you were to build your life from scratch, what would be different? What from your past do you need to reclaim—your interest in music or art, your belief in yourself, or your spontaneity? Try to avoid getting caught up in generalities—more money, ideally a different partner—and instead go one level deeper to focus on what they may represent—less anxiety, more common interests, more excitement. These are stepping stones toward where you want to go and who you want to become.
#2: Act on the smallest spark.
Rediscovering your passion can feel like a big challenge, especially if you’ve neglected those feelings for so long. You can start smaller by focusing on what you prefer. This is about rewiring your brain by noticing and acting on anything outside your routine that gives you a slight jolt of novelty. This is the baby step toward cultivating passion.
And if you feel passionate about something—to get back into music or art, study birds, or shake up your relationship or work—resist your critical brain’s urge to sweep it under the rug because it deems it impractical or stupid. Act, but not impulsively—don’t quit your job. Wait until your rational brain is back online, gather information, and plan next steps. Use your emotions as information, not as jet fuel.
#3: Experiment.
Some of the sparks may peter out—you may find that your old or new interests no longer hold your attention. No loss, because you’ve learned something; life is a process of elimination. Adopt an attitude of curiosity rather than revolution, and of experimentation rather than makeovers.
All this reminds me of a Wendell Berry quote: When you don’t know what to do, you’ve found your real work, and when you don’t know where to go, you’ve begun your journey.
Do the work and enjoy the journey.
