Most Americans now treat stress as a fact of life. A new national survey finds that 72% of adults agree stress is just something they have to live with.
A Harvard psychologist who has studied the mind and body for nearly five decades says that view gets stress backward. In a clip Lewis Howes shares from The School of Greatness, she explains the healthiest way she knows to handle stress, and it starts with a pen.
What Is the 1 Stress Mistake Most People Make?
The advice comes from a researcher who studies mindfulness and the mind-body connection. Her name is Ellen Langer, and in 1981 she became the first woman tenured in Harvard’s psychology department.
“Events don’t cause stress,” Langer says on the podcast. “What causes stress are the views you take of the event.”
That’s the mistake. We blame the event, when the real trigger is the story we tell ourselves about it.
In a 2014 interview with On Being, she explained that stress usually rests on two assumptions. First, that the bad thing will happen. Second, that when it does, it will be awful. Most of the time, neither is a sure thing.
How Do You Use Her 5-Reason Exercise?
Langer’s tool is simple.
“Rather than think how awful it is, give yourself 5 reasons why it might actually be an advantage,” she says.
Here’s how to put it to work:
- Name the fear. Write down exactly what you’re worried about, in one line.
- Check the first assumption. Ask yourself whether it’s certain to happen or only possible.
- List five upsides. Find five real ways the outcome could help you. Stick to upsides you actually believe.
- Read the list back. Notice whether the outcome still looks like a disaster or more like a mixed bag.
For example, say you’re stressed about not getting a promotion. Possible upsides include more time with family, less pressure for a year, a push to look at other companies, clear feedback on what to improve, and a chance to negotiate harder next time.
The point is to break the false certainty that something will be terrible.
Langer puts the mindset she recommends most this way: “uncertainty is the rule not the exception.” If you don’t know how things will turn out, there’s less reason to dread them.
Why Does This Matter Right Now?
That 72% figure comes from the American Psychological Association’s Stress in America 2026 survey, released Oct. 22. APA CEO Arthur C. Evans Jr. warns against that kind of resignation.
“Becoming accustomed to chronic stress is not the same as adapting to it in a healthy way,” Evans says.
Langer goes further than most experts. She believes stress is the major source of illness, “over and above diet, genetics, even treatment.” That’s her view, not settled science, and some of her best-known studies are small. Doctors generally treat stress as one important risk factor among many.
Her exercise also works best alongside the basics. A Gallup look at stress and exercise finds that among men ages 18 to 44, the most active report less daily stress than the least active, 51% compared with 58%.
So the next time a deadline or a bill starts to spiral, take two minutes. Write down five ways it could work out in your favor.
