Despite having personally experienced “sibling loss” twice, as well as supporting others who have gone through it in my role as a psychotherapist, I was not aware that there was specific terminology for the loss of a brother or sister until recently. But learning that this type of loss has a name has been helpful to me in my continued processing of the loss of my younger brothers, as I imagine it may be for many others who have lost siblings. Understanding sibling loss as a unique type of loss that elicits a unique type of grief can be helpful in supporting those who have lost siblings and in broadening our vocabulary around grief and loss.
Broadening the Categorization
Any loss is difficult and worthy of empathy and understanding, but certain types of losses are more easily and readily categorized than others. For instance, we can all feel for a person whose parent, grandparent, child, or spouse has died. But how often do we truly recognize the depth of pain for those who have lost best friends, colleagues, mentors, pets, and other important beings in their lives? This is certainly not to suggest that certain losses are more significant than others, nor to turn grief into a competition, but rather to illustrate that some types of losses are inherently easier to accept as tragic and profound, while others may require us to broaden our understanding of loss.
Sibling loss is one of those losses that is not easily categorized: A person physically loses their next of kin, but there is much more that is lost along with the death itself. And it is this complexity and these layers of loss that have caused many researchers to view sibling loss as “complex yet underrepresented in grief literature”…particularly “overlooked grief [and] identity shifts… [which] highlight critical dimensions of sibling bereavement that are often neglected in support frameworks” (Parekh et al., 2025). So, if we broaden our view of grief to see sibling loss as its own “category,” we might pay attention to the following aspects that are also lost for those who experience the loss of a brother or sister.
The Structural Change
When a sibling loss occurs, the demographics of a family change in an instant: Quite literally, the number of members changes along with the structure and dynamics of the family unit. For surviving siblings, it can feel as though everything you had known about your family of origin for your entire life is now different. You have barely had time to process what has occurred, and already you must re-label your family (for example, my family of five suddenly became a family of four). This loss in structure is akin to coming home one day to discover that part of your house has burned down. Psychologically, this change can make you feel unmoored from what you had known for so long.
The Loss of Potential
The loss of what might have been constitutes a level of grief that is commonly experienced, and this is certainly the case with sibling loss. For those of us who have lost siblings, we must unexpectedly let go of things we had perhaps seen as eventualities: our children having aunts or uncles; our sibling being a part of our life milestones; our sibling’s children playing with our children. There is so much “could have been” that a person going through sibling loss must come to terms with.
The Little Things
Grief does not only result in something “big” being lost; in terms of sibling loss, there are a lot of little things that you painfully recognize will leave you along with the physical loss: the inside jokes, the common interests, the small moments you shared, the movies and music you mutually loved, the smaller things that connected you. These facets of the loss are each painful in their own small measure, like wounds or stings that accumulate as you go through the grieving process. As always with grief, there is more happening than just the “traditional” emotional phases of anger, denial, depression, bargaining, and acceptance.
Your Identity and Role
The change in role and identity is, perhaps, the most profound aspect of sibling loss. Suddenly, you are no longer an older brother, a younger sister, a twin—this loss of identity is earthshattering, unexpected, and profoundly painful. With no notice, your role—sometimes, a role you have been in for many years—changes completely. Loss of identity is a deeply painful and frightening psychological experience: You have defined yourself a certain way for your whole life, and you now must embrace a new role and identity. Years later, it is still strange for me to recognize that I went from being an older brother to an only child.
Recognizing Sibling Loss
Sibling loss is a type of loss that deserves more attention. Those of us who have experienced sibling loss know that without warning, our understanding of our family, the potential for the future, the little immeasurable things, and even our own identity, all change. Rightly so, we pay a lot of attention when people lose a parent, a child, a spouse—but we must not forget those who have lost siblings. It is a type of loss that is multilayered and complicated, and that should not be ignored or lumped into a general category of loss. Sibling loss is unique in several ways, and an evolving understanding of it as a specific type of grief is a way for us to ensure that we recognize its nuance and complexity.
