We know that relationships matter. Yet we consistently behave as though they can wait.
In the workplace, strong relationships can make the difference between a project’s success, a secured promotion, or a closed deal. However, in our high-pressure, time-poor world, we tend to focus on what we’re trying to achieve now, doing the hard graft ourselves if need be.
We can address our longer-term goals another day.
But of course, that day soon comes, and we’re back to square one. Failing to invest in our relationships earlier makes the support or advocacy we need now harder to secure. Delaying nonurgent relationship-building activity carries real consequences, just ones we are not aware of until it’s too late.
It’s easy to assume that relationships will always be in place when needed. But trust, just like physical fitness or financial security, is built over time and only becomes apparent when we need it the most.
We focus on our immediate priorities
It’s natural to prioritise what is urgent, visible, and measurable. Particularly when we are held accountable for short-term targets. Nobody wants to explain why they have attended a conference or arranged a coffee meeting when the pressure is on.
Psychologists and behavioural economists describe this as present bias. We place greater value on what delivers results now than on benefits that may emerge later. Under pressure to meet targets, another hour at our desk feels productive. A conversation with someone who might be able to help us in six months feels like a luxury.
Relationship-building can be seen as a “soft” activity, a nice-to-have but nonessential way to spend our time. It doesn’t feel productive when we can’t demonstrate an immediate payoff, so we focus on activities we can count today.
Without relationships in place to guide, support, and advocate for us, however, it’s much harder to achieve those short-term goals. The insights and ideas other people can offer us can prevent us from repeating other people’s mistakes, while influential people in our network can open doors that would previously have remained blocked.
It’s a false economy to discard relationship-building for sweat and toil; if we put in the work up front to nurture the support we need, we can overcome challenges more easily. What feels like a distraction from achieving our goals may actually be an investment in achieving them more easily.
We only notice relationships when we need them
Failing to think strategically about relationships creates blind spots. Apart from the strongest relationships, which have almost become personal rather than purely professional, or those with people who work in immediate proximity, people fall off our radar if they are not immediately relevant to what we’re focusing on. It’s not necessarily that we wilfully neglect people when we don’t need them, but many people assume goodwill established earlier will remain available if we shelve the relationship for a while.
How many times have you been on the receiving end of a LinkedIn connection request from someone you haven’t been in touch with for a while, only to find it quickly followed up by a message asking for your help because they are looking for a new job? How did that make you feel?
How often have you been that person?
Goodwill doesn’t necessarily disappear when contact stops, but we shouldn’t assume it remains unchanged. Regular, low-pressure interactions help maintain the trust and familiarity that make asking for support feel natural.
When we only reappear because we need something, our intentions may be genuine, but the approach can feel transactional. We are asking the relationship to deliver more than we have recently invested in it.
We confuse familiarity with relationship depth
We can work with someone every day, collaborate on projects, and attend countless meetings without ever developing the trust that encourages them to challenge us, advocate for us, or offer support when things become difficult.
Regular connection is not enough on its own. Familiarity is not the same as trust. We need to find a balance between two key types of interaction:
- Transactional interaction: Conversations primarily about tasks, deadlines, deliverables, and requests
- Relational interaction: Conversations that allow us to understand someone’s motivations, concerns, perspective, and priorities.
If most of your conversations with a colleague are transactional, you may not be creating genuine relational depth and connection. We need curiosity, reciprocity, and the human touch. We need to find the space to understand the person behind the function.
This can be even harder when we are based in another office, or even another country, and most of our conversations happen remotely. But we need to proactively seek those points of connection, away from our respective agendas, if we are going to invest meaningfully in developing rapport and connection.
Make friends when you can, not when you need them
We need to think more strategically about our professional relationships and be willing to invest in them before we need to. But this doesn’t mean we approach other people to manipulate or trick them. This is about setting aside time, even during our busiest periods, to invest in meaningful and durable human relationships.
By doing this, we can ensure that support is there when we need it. The real mistake is not that people care too much or too little about relationships. It’s that they care too late.
