In 2014, the White House Task Force to Protect Students from Sexual Assault found that 20 percent of college women get raped as undergraduates. The report generated controversy. That many? Really? The controversy spurred research. Three years later, a large study by investigators at many U.S. colleges and universities concluded the statistic was “reasonably accurate.” (Muehlenhard, 2017)
During the decade since that Task Force, many colleges, universities, and the military have instituted rape-prevention programs that inform young women of their risk, warn against getting drunk at parties, and encourage “designated sober” bystanders to intervene if they see trouble. Those programs have reduced women’s risk of sexual assault in higher education and the military by 50 percent.
Rape-prevention programs have also spotlighted the fact that some problematic young-adult sexual interactions don’t constitute sexual assault, but are still unwanted and scary. Recently, Indiana University researchers investigated who experiences scary sex and why.
The Study
The researchers surveyed 721 undergraduates, average age 19, at Indiana University, 49 percent women, 49 percent men, 2 percent other, divided roughly evenly among first-, second-, third-, and fourth-year students. Almost 80 percent were heterosexual, with 12 percent bisexual, 5 percent lesbian/gay, and 4 percent transgender or gender non-binary. Half were single, half in relationships. Completing the 20-minute survey entered them in a lottery for $100 gift cards. (Herbenick, 2025)
One-Third Reported Scary Sex
Almost one-third of survey respondents (31 percent) reported at least one sexual experience they called scary. Three-quarters of them (75 percent) were women, 21 percent were men, and 5 percent were transgender or gender non-binary.
The researchers grouped scary experiences into seven categories:
- Wouldn’t stop. This was the most reported experience. “When I told him it really hurt and please stop, he didn’t.” “I kept saying stop, but he ignored me.” “Everything was fine until I wanted to stop, but he didn’t.”
- No control. This was the #2 response. “I felt like I didn’t have a say.” “I was with someone much older than me, and he controlled things.” “I tried to say no, but couldn’t get the words out.” “I felt that if I insisted on stopping, my partner wouldn’t want to date me anymore.”
- Pressure, coercion, manipulation. “In his room, he pressured me to have sex. I didn’t know what I was walking into.” “I knew him for years and trusted him. Then he pressured me to give him head.”
- Unwanted roughness. “When things got too rough, I was too scared to say anything.” “I got choked way too hard. I felt overpowered and scared.”
- Drunk, drugged, unconscious. Alcohol greatly increases sexual assault risk, or short of rape, sex that’s scary. “We were drinking a lot. I don’t remember having sex. That scared me.” “I wanted to leave, but was too drunk to move.” “I was drunk. He was not. He pressured me for sex.” “I was drunk and could not fight back.”
- Restrained. “He pinned my arms over my head. When I said it hurt, he said I was ruining the mood.” “He held me down. When I objected, he wouldn’t let go.”
- Condom-related. “He took the condom off without telling me.” “He pressured me to have unprotected sex. That scared me.” “I knew she was inconsistent about taking her pills. She pressured me for intercourse, but I had no protection. That incident ended our relationship.”
This is not the only study to delve into frightening sex. Two pilot reports by Indiana University researchers showed that 25 percent of women and 10 percent of men reported sometimes feeling scared during sex. (Herbenick, 2019, 2022) Those studies inspired this larger one.
Scary sex may include activities that are standard elements of bondage-discipline-sado-masochism (BDSM): restraint, rough play, and sacrifice of control. But in mutually pleasurable BDSM, the players negotiate their play beforehand. They agree to every move, and everyone knows exactly how the play will unfold. They also adopt “safe words” to stop the action if anyone feels uncomfortable or scared.
Young Men, Alcohol, and Sexual Violence
Across all categories, some participants of every gender and sexual preference reported feeling scared. But overwhelmingly, they were women and sexual and gender minorities—and their fear was inspired by male partners. In other words, the problem is out-of-control young men. Parents, older siblings, college staff, and mental health professionals should tell young men repeatedly and bluntly that they better control themselves or they risk prison.
What makes men lose control? Usually alcohol. Although today’s young adults drink less than previous generations, alcohol continues to fuel reckless behavior. Anyone who deals with young people should tell them repeatedly and bluntly that alcohol intoxication may embroil them in situations they would rather avoid. Beer commercials say “drink responsibly.” To prevent scary sex, a better message would be “just one drink if any, no more.”
Young adults experiment with both sex and drugs. We’ve all been there and know that some of those experiments play with fire. To avoid getting burned, young adults should take responsibility for their safety by:
- Not getting drunk, especially at parties, particularly fraternity parties
- Not getting sexually involved with those who are drunk
- Arranging with friends before parties to keep an eye on each other and intervene if things seem to be getting out of hand
Some might call this victim-blaming. It’s not. It’s taking adult responsibility for personal safety. That’s prudent—and as this study shows, unfortunately necessary.
